Is it really so hard..??
Y are some people being so ridiculously difficult? is it so hard? Y can't people just make life as easy as it is.. Because seriously most problems and issues are just nothing, but some crap that some bored person came up with.. I can't be bothered with anything like that.. If someone got an issue, feel free to have one, but don't get me involved, i like to keep my life simple, no issues, no dramas, no nothing that could give me a wrinkle or headache.. Life could be so easy, if some people would just relax and take a breath..
aaaaahhhhhh
Some idiot left his phone on in the study room next to mine and left, it's been going on like 10 times now.. Why are people so brainless?? Never mind, just printed out 70 pages.. thats how big my dissertation is so far.. Gonna keep writing now.. hopefully gonna get my whole analysis done by tomorrow :)
Here they are..
Promised i would upload some of the pics from the other night.. i must say i am extremely happy we didn't take that many pics, coz we all look a bit special.. But never mind, u guys want the pics here they are..
This is what a girls night looks for us.. well at least how it starts.. Like normal nights more, coz there are never many girls in our girl nights, which actually can be nice too.. this was a nice night.. until i went home early of course coz i'm used to go bed at 8.. And it's not too much fun to be out with a drunken bunch if u don't drink urself..
No church this sunday..
I know i know i should go, but just really stressing out about uni work, as usual u might think.. But normally i manage to just get the words down, at the moment, it feels like i'm just deleting words, ok it doesn't just feel like that, but that is actually what i happening.. Just making changes in what i have done, and not really writing anything, so no nottinghill carnival for me tomorrow.. maybe next year :( Maybe i can try to go london next week when everything is done, and see everyone :( When this week is over, i will become someone fun again who writes fun stuff here, which makes people actually want to read this.. or not, i don't really care :p
Trying to update bbm on my phone, how come my blackberry is a bit of a dickhead when it comes do doing things i want him to do? Well hopefully he will get in a better mood soon, n listen to me :)
I'm back to my studies now.. peace out..
I know i know..
I am fully aware of the fact that i have been really bad at updating this for a while, and when i have it's been boring updates as hell, like me just studying or being ill.. But u know what, that's just the way it is at the moment, and will be for one more week.. Gonna hand in my work the 8th, and then back to work the 12th... have 4 days to find a new place to stay at that time..
Well now i'm off to keep studying, if i get enough done, and feel alright tomorrow i will go to the Nottinghill Carnival.. which would be really nice, to see some old friends, which i hardly ever see..
peace out for now..
HA I'M SO HOT IN MY HOME CLOTHES.. :P
Fucking 5 am!!!!
My phone started going around that time, and people, with people i mean MAKSIM started calling, coz people been out n were standing drunk outside my house!! don't people have any respect whats however?
Never mind, before i went to bed, me n Niko went for a 3 hour walk through town n the marina n every where.. passed by Maks where he was working as well..
How cute are we.. haha me in my sweats of course.. Don't know if Niko is the right person to go on walks with.. He just wants to eat all the time, we even had to stop at a kebab place for him to get some food, and because he is so well mannered or whatever u wanna call it, he tried to force me to eat to coz he didn't wanna eat alone.. Guess what a healthy good walk.. Maybe I will start walking alone again, but than I would have to do it earlier, because can't really do that alone in the middle of the night.. We'll see..
sugar or no sugar is the question..?!
Last night was long, i was meant to go to bed early, but some friends stopped by for dinner and sheesha, and it was such a nice evening.. like back in the days.. Too bad maks couldnt stay longer but he had to go to work.. I made so much food, there is so much left for today, which is good coz i'll be studying all day so i don't need to cook :) already had loads of chocolate, i don't know what is wrong with me, normally i try to avoid sugar, but i've just be craving it so much lately.. But whatever i guess it will go over soon.. I have my periods of time where i crave weird stuff.. lol i guess now u think chocolate isn't weird, but i don't really eat chocolate a lot, and i avoid most types of sugar normally :p At least i'm not craving anything disgusting, i've had times when i couldn't get enough of for example tuna, and i hate tuna, it's pretty much the most disgusting thing i know.. But whatever i'm gonna zip on my tea (without sugar :p) and study now..
too much food..
Chilling with them peeps.. had too much food... made schnitzel with mashed potatos, n had loads of sweets from Ikea for starter and dessert.. yummy n sheesha.. Can't move too much food..
Sitting n listening to music now, n smoking sheesha..
Probs gonna go to bed in a moment..
Finally thursday..
Yesterday was long, was meant to be in the library all day studying, but then Niko called n asked if i could go to the hospital with him to get the thingy he has on his broken arm removed.. Actually don't know what it's called..
Even though there was some waiting involved it was actually fun, because the doctor was so funny, he was joking with niko that his hand had not healed in the right way and it would have to be re-broken to get fixed.. Lol we actually both believed him..
After we went for dinner in Ikea, which is always nice coz it makes me feel like home, and we got loads of sweets, bilar, cola snoren and of course loads of Daim :) For the cinema, went to see Skott Pilgrim vs the world, which in a weird way is a really funny movie. I'm not sure if a lot of people will like it. But i really did. Felt like a metaphor for real life things.. And of course Michael Cera is always amazing! Felt sick after the cinema though coz of all the candy i had, and of course i had loads of Daim for breakfast today, so feeling a bit sick now too.. That the consequence of eating to much chocolate i can live with it, and keep eating.. have cookies with me to the library too.. It amazes me that i am as skinny as i am.. I really should be fat :p
Now i really have to start studying..
peace people..
Oh yea by the way, the machine that the doctor used to cut the thing of was real scary, i didn't get how he could do that without cutting in to his arm, and to prov that it was impossible he tried to cut my arm.. Scared the hell out of me, but he proved his point, the machine was safe..
haha
Lol today someone from a letting agency tried to get in to the flat again without letting us know.. but we had been smart enough to put the extra lock on.. Which we have been doing lately coz people keep walking in and out of the flat. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is when u just jumped out of the shower and stand there half naked coz u think you are alone in the flat, and all of a sudden people stand in front of you, coz they are having a viewing of our flat??!! This type of thing has beenhappening quite often to me and Johanna lately. But we have started to lock the door with an extra lock when we are hoime from the inside.. Still when no one is at home, god only knows how many people walk around in the flat.. I really don't like it, and we told the landlord, who said that it shouldn't be happening, but it still is.. So nothing really we can do. But it was a nice feeling this morning when we heard someone put the key in the lock, and trying to open the door, and it was locked :p I hope they learned a lesson and will start telling us before a viewing..
Now i'm off to a bit more studying..
peace out
Nail-pollish on my white jeans..
Y can't i possibly paint my nails without getting it all over everything? everyone else seems to be capable of doing it?? even guys paint nails better than i do!! fuck it, at least my nails look decent.. i sort the jeans out later.. not meant to be wearing white anyways, i would just spill stuff on myself anyways!!
OMG
I MUST BE THE DUMMEST PERSON ALIVE! BECAUSE MY COMPUTER REMEMBERS ALL THE PASWORDS, I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW ANY OF THEM.. MY BLOG FUCKED UP, MY EMAIL, MY OTHER EMAIL, MY SURVEYS EVERYTHING JUST GOT FUCKED UP WHEN MY COMPUTER MESSED UP!! DON'T EVER TRUST A MACHINE TOO MUCH! With that said, i must admit that even if my computer isnt perfect he is way smarter than me.. And thank god i didn't fuck my surveys up totally they are still there, i only thought i had deleted them, which would have been quiet awkward now that i need to put them in my dissertation..
Back in the library..
As usual guess where i'm hiding, in one of them beautiful lil study carrels.. Today i will get a lot done.. i have a feeling.. I GOT A FEEELING TONIGHT IS A GOOD NIGHT... -> I GOOOOT A FEEEELIIINNG TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY!!!! (touch wood, i bet i will get run over by a truck now..)
I want more sleep..
Even though i didn't manage to sleep a lot, like a lot less than usual, i feel much more awake than normally. Normally i wouldn't have been able to get up when the alarm went off at 8.. which i could do today :) Proud of myself. This must sound so strange for anyone that knows me, coz everyone knows i'm a morning person, i'm always the first up, doing stuff waking everyone else up.. Usually in a good mood in the mornings too.. Maybe soon that will be me again, or maybe if people around me are lucky i won't ever go back to that again :p
I'm off to the doctors now.. peace out
Late night walk..
Went for a walk with Niko, were gone for like almost two hours, so cozy went all the way through the cemetery, the park, then down all of Hill lane, basically we went really far, had a few stops and sat on park benches to discuss important things in life like why girls in england go crazy for football players and other unimportant things.. all in all was a good walk.. But when i was pressing the code to get back into my building this homeless lady asked if she could sleep in the stair ways.. The thing is, I recognise the woman, i've seen her on drugs arguing with a man outside my house, she was really scary. So i didn't let her in.. But at the same time, i feel so bad, if i was a good catholic i shouldn't have turned her down. It's not really warm to sleep outside.. i feel so bad.. But i cannot really let someone sleep in the building that i know for sure is on drugs, not with the amount of families living here with babies and small children.. I guess which ever i would have done would have been wrong, i just feel really bad for her at the moment..
now im going to bed.. shit, i have a bed, she has to sleep somewhere outside on the floor in the cold.. :(
peace out
ehrm..
Could this be more embarrassing.. Retakes are on at Solent at the moment, and all the people who been too cool to study the rest of the year are around at the moment for their retakes.. Which means all the hot guys are running around panicking in uni at the moment.. usually i would be very grateful, but at the moment it's just embarrassing, have a guy sitting opposite of me who keeps staring at me, now i don't know if he does this because he knows me, or because he is just weird.. I have this thing that i never recognise people, so when people stare at me, they quite often know me, i just don't remember ever having met them.. yea yea i know, sort of rude of me, but could this guy please stop staring or i will ask him what his problem is..!!! Or not.. would never be that rude.. :(
Miss the Karen Millen girls..
Went to the store today to check if the times which i have to work when i come back have been scheduled yet, which they hadn't. Made me realise just how much i miss the girls from work, and all the nice customers.. I know i know, people don't want to work or whatever, but i'm lucky enough to have found a job which i really enjoy, and i work with people i really like.. So now i miss them :(
Monday morning ha?!
Woke up early came to the library, and guess what, even though i had booked a room, somehow Jojo forgot to book one, so i gave my room to her,.. Now i'm sitting in the normal library with people building outside, like seriously?!!! I need so study and they are BUILDING something outside, or god knows what they are doing, but they are being really loud. On top of that instead of starting to work, i try to make some changes on my blog, and as usual i wonder, am i a bit stupid or something, coz everyone else seems to be able to manage to change the design of their blogs, why is it that i find it soooo hard?!!! Don't know, i just pretend like everyone else gets help, which makes me feel better coz i'm trying on my own now.. Well ok, i was gonna get help, and i most likely will get help if this somehow some day will look like something acceptable.. But right now i don't care enough, need to study instead..
Poor guy in front of me, the sound of the builders seem to drive him crazy.. Well i guess they do that with everyone, but at least i got my ipod on, so i don't hear it as bad..
Still sunday..
How come i always miss it when my mum calls me, i don't know how i do it, but if i leave my phone for a second on silent or in another room, i have a missed call from her. If i am on skype and leave the room for a second i have 10 missed calls. Ok now it sounds like my mum is stalking me, which she isn't, she calls me regularly like any mum would, but i somehow always seem to miss her calls. Which makes her think that i'm avoiding her because i'm either ill or up to something bad.
But for real mum if u read this, i don't mean to always miss ur calls, i miss u n love u. Just maybe call a bit more often, and at some point i will hear my phone ring, and pick up.. Seriously i'm not being ironic, and i'm not the worst daughter ever.. I just suck at having my phone around me.
And before anyone says anything, this only counts for my mum, because yes, a lot of the times when people call me, i put my phone on silent, because i cannot be bothered to answer. This is mostly because i'm a sleep. Some people always manage to call me when i'm asleep. With this i mean, i have one friend, who no matter when i'm a sleep, if i go to bed early, or try to sleep long, or maybe take a nap, this specific friend always manage that perfect timing to call me right then. And to put my phone on silent doesn't help, coz he will keep calling. This is somehow a hint, if i don't answer, stop calling me i will call u when i feel like it. But at the same time, thank u for keeping up the stubbornness, because u have forced me out of bed and made me feel better at some points, when it was needed..
Just making dinner for me n Jojo at the moment.. Pasta with chicken n orange sause.. Yummy.. Long time since i actually wanted to eat something. Weird, feels like i'm feeling a bit better today, maybe thats coz i've basically spent the whole week in bed to rest. Or coz I have my old friends back in my life, or maybe because I finally understood some stuff in life.. I just somehow feel better at the moment..
Going to eat properly now, and maybe soon gonna gain the weight i lost again.. well hopefully, so people can stop telling me that i look disgustingly skinny Lol. Ok maybe not Lol, it's actually not funny when people say that to u, but whatever, everyone to their own.. I'm gonna stop caring what other people think about something as unimportant as my weight..
I think the pasta is ready now, so i'm off to my food.. peace out people for tonight coz i need to go to bed like now, so tired, and have to get up early to go to my favorite place the library :)
Sunday with Sly..
Spent the whole day tills now with Sly which is nice, coz i hardly ever see him anymore since he moved to london.. Some people like him, are just people that i hope gonna stay in my life for a long time, coz he is such a good person, he is one of those people where i know he would always be there if something happened..
Can't believe he got me out of the house in the morning to go to the early mass in church, and then we went to have coffee and just sat n talked for a long time. It's nice to have someone who is so wise in my life who can give me advice.. I mean things he tells me actually make sense.. Lol compared to the way i usually think.. So thanks for that Sly..
ps. I know i spelled World wrong.. in my last update, and i'm pretty sure there are more spelling mistakes a bit everywhere, so people chill.. I have accepted the fact that i suck at spelling so should u! :p
OTOW!
OUR TALENT OUR WORL!
OTOW is a brand my friend Sly is designing, and he is super talented.. he just started but i already got a super cute background for my bb..
I hope he will get somewhere with it, coz he is really talented!! :)
Saturday..
Guess it's time to get up.. been in bed for a couple of hours just panicking about every little thing there might be to panik about.. i know i know.. i should just chill.. but sometimes that just doesn't work.. Just too much stuff going on at the moment..
But really have to get myself together now, take a shower, eat something, work on my dissertation, and just u know get myself together..
Need to meet up with Sly today too, he is in town for the weekend.. guess it's time for starbucks or something..
Before i forget it, why does everyone have the need to bbm, text or call me during the night, like every night? I need sleep!!
Don't know, last night was a lot worse than it's been in a while, my phone kept going all the time, if i don't reply that means either i am asleep, or i don't want to tlk to u coz it's way too late and i am getting pissed of coz people are keeping me awake.. So peeps, please stop trying to tell me ur outside my house n i should look out or whatever other things that might pop up in ur mind.. COZ I WANT TO SLEEP DURING THE NIGHTS!! thanks peace out..
Sheesha with the girls..
Can't believe how long it has been.. So many things that i have been missing out lately.. I mean i haven't smoked sheesha in a long time, but even longer that we've had a girls night in.. just sitting on the kitchen floor smoking sheesha eating crisps n talking.. Can't even remember the last time.. At least not just with us girls.. Weird how sometimes when times get harder, some good things come back to ur life.. It was def a really cozy night, but now it's waaaaayyyy past my bed time, and really just wanna sleep.. But Johanna is in the shower so have to wait till she comes out, so i can brush my teeth, and that can take a while.. Don't understand why some people take sooooo long in the shower, she was under there before i went to walk Nells to the cabs, than cleaned up the living room, did the dishes, moved some stuff back to my room, and now on here, and she is still in the shower.. Guess i shouldn't be complaining as i'm def not the quickest out of the shower either.. But me neeeeddd sleeeeeeeep zzzZZZzzzzzzzz
friday..
Today i spent in bed all day, first in mine, than moved all the way to my flat-mates bed to stay there n listen to music.. I know i know, been going on a lot about how i don't have any energy, and today was a perfect example of that.. At least I went for an hour walk now, just got back a sec ago.. And even managed to eat something before we went off.. However i hate it when the whole flat smells of food, and it smelled sooo strongly like food when we got back.. Just opened all the windows, and hope we gonna get some fresh air before it starts raining and we have to close them again..
Am off to do the dishes and go back to bed..
We miss u Tam :)
This is a lil thing for the man in my life.. well our life.. mine and Johannas.. Tam is the third person in our lil family, and he is stuck far far away. But life goes on, even though we miss u sooooo incredibly much, hope u always remember that.. Southampton is not the same without u even though i know we tlk like every night and have skype moments us 3.. It's just not the same...
TAM WE LOVE AND MISS U SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!
Annoying people should get bitch slapped every now and then..
Just had lunch.. Finally, took a lil break to sit out in the sun with some friends as well... have to enjoy if the sun is shining for ones, it's meant to be raining soon again for the rest of the week..
Have u guys ever realised how some people are just soooo annoying? There are people who just follow everyone around like some lost dog or something, and even though people treat them badly they still stick around. I hate, ok don't wanna say the word hate, coz it's really strong and i don't believe it's a good thing to be hating on people. But i really dislike people like that, i don't know maybe coz i see them as weak, and i don't like weak people. Probably because i used to be so weak myself, but i managed to become stronger, and have my own opinions, and tell people off if they act a way i don't agree with. When i see people who are this weak i just wanna bitch slap them, to wake them up. Make them see that no one likes them, people just accept them coz they do everything people want them to do. And people would probably like them a lot more, if they would start having a bit of a personality..
Don't know, i don't often dislike people.. but sometimes i just cannot help myself..
Now i need to get back to my word count.. got about 10'000 words now.. writing up my findings, and it's finally adding up... half is done and it feels really good..
Hungry..
Am starving, does that mean i'm on my way to feel better.. don't even remember the last time i actually felt hungry.. I've been forcing the od-toast, or hot chocolate into me.. But today i'll have proper food..
And it looks like maybe soon i will change the whole design of my blog, because Niko just told me he could do it for me, as I'm not capable of doing anything computer-wise by myself.. Am highly incompetent when it comes to any IT stuff...
Back in the library..
As usual i'm back in the library, absolutely freaking out, have so much to do till tomorrow it's unbelievable.. And I just gave my study room to someone else, coz i can be in the normal study area coz i brought my own computer, and she didn't.. Can't concentrate here but whatever, i can do better here, than she could have without a computer at all..
This was when we were in orange the other day.. OMG I really look like i don't wanna be there trying to force a smile on my face, and whats with the red lipstick? don't know, i don't remember it being that red, i blame it on the camera, i think it made the colours a bit more vivid than they really are :p
back to the living?
Seriously, because i had such a bad day yesterday that actually some good things happened. As i was really down Jojo called an old friend over that i hardly see anymore to get me better.. Weird enough, as i didn't think anything would help, it actually did help. Than the girls made me go out, just to a bar, which i really didn't want.. As i cannot even drink coz of all the medicines i'm on.. And i was really just ready to go to bed, and sleep away all my problems, which is what i seem to be doing lately.. However everyone thought it would be good for me to get out of the house, and of we were.. By the way, this bar is literally outside my doorstep, so didn't go very far.. But it was nice, even though it's not the most fun thing to do, going out with a bunch of really drunk people when u can't be drinking.. However it was nice, and as soon as everyone was together i could sneak back home without most people noticing..
So went home, put on a movie, took all the medicines that make me sleepy and as soon as i was asleep, my phone started going.. Guy friends who wanted my friends phone numbers, people asking where i was and so on.. so in the end i didn't get to sleep until after 6 am.. which is very different from my usual 8 pm bed time.. but whatever.. it's weird though, am still so tired, lil things like that just take all energy from me, and been in bed sleeping all day.. just woke up now to eat something and going back to bed..
By the way, looks like i'm staying in soton after i finished uni.. so i'm gonna be homeless in 3 weeks coz i haven't sorted a flat out yet,... WoHHOOOOO
Just have to do it..
I have to ask a question.. Why is it that someone who hates drama, and usually tries to avoid it as much as me, somehow manages to get drawn into stuff that has nothing to do with me.. Hopefully i will some day laugh about this stupid situation and find it funny, and see how i learned something out of it.. but right now, it sucks big time!!
Me and my beloved wife JoJo
Sucky day
As i knew it would be a sucky day i should just have stayed in bed.. can't blame anyone but myself.. That's what i'm gonna do now though, go to bed and skip the rest of the day..
In between all the shitty stuff i went to town with Jay and JoJo though, coz he needed some new clothing, took some funny pics..
sunday evening pics..
By the way.. remembered i took some pics on sunday night after church when we were chilling on a bench basically outside my house..
JoJo n Niko won't like this :p
and of course me... yes i am not capable of looking normal on a picture, i think everyone is aware of that by now..
Omg
I'm so tired, decided to go to the library anyways instead of going back home to sleep.. After a night with hardly any sleep at all and medicine that calms u down, this was maybe not the greatest idea.. can hardly keep my eyes open.. Just want to lay my face down on my computer and sleep.. i know this is not the first time i write this.. but it feels like my whole body is soooo heavy... need more sleep asap.. maybe wasn't the best idea to stop taking sleeping pills.. now i can't sleep, and when i sleep it's such a bad sleep.. i miss those days when u just fall asleep and wake up the next day and feel well rested..
At least my meeting with my tutor went well.. She thought most of the work i have done so far has been alright, which is good, because i don't know what i would do if she would tell me that my work sucks..
I just realised i haven't put any pics in for a long time, but trust me that is a good thing, i've been looking like shit lately, and that's not just my modest opinion about myself, but also what all my near and dear friends have been telling me.. I love my friends, not bad enough that i've been ill.. no they keep telling me i look like shit too.. wonderful, that's really gonna help me feel better.. just gonna make me feel more sorry for myself :p
Gonna try to get hold of some coffee now to wake me up a bit, but cannot be bothered to walk all the way to starbucks, so not sure where to get it from.. Gosh, if i ever move back to the country side i will miss starbucks so much.. i know i know, there are other places u can get nice coffee, and i love the local coffee house DG back home in Hallefors, but starbucks is tradition.. There is nothing like a nice signature hot chocolate with extra cream on top, served from a super nice waiter who knows what u gonna order, and to drink it sitting down in cozy sofas with ur best friends.. I must say i really do love our starbucks moments..
One of these days..
U know when u wake up and u already know it will be a crappy day.. guess i just have to get it over and done with..
Take a shower - meet my tutor - meet Jay - appointment at 2:30 - then can go and sleep away the rest of the day.. i wish i could just do that straight away.. Just skip today, actually just skip this whole month like it never happened.. How wonderful would that be if someone invented a machine that could just make u miss out on all the crappy times of ur life.. I wish someone would invent it right now.. and let me try it out :)
Still up
Am up trying to sleep, but not really working,.. He's just not that into you, is running in the background. That movie usually puts me a sleep.. but not tonight.. love that film, don't even know how often i've seen it.. i have a lil crush on justin long.. well lil isn't the right word.. he is so gorgeous!! what can i see i've got a weak spot for him..
How could u not fall for him...?
How could u not fall for him...?Now i'm gonna keep trying to sleep.. n trying to ignore all the noise from outside.. the downside of living in the middle between loads of bars.. drunken people screaming every night.. wohoo good times..
Ouch..
Johanna, my house mate just vaxed my legs.. fuck.. Why do we girls do this to ourselves?? Well obviously coz we don't wanna be hairy or whatever.. But fuck it really hurt.. Now it's time for my laundry, what a fun day today has been, uni work, food shopping, this and now laundry.. at least the weather has been soo nice.. weird coz it's been so cold lately.. but i checked the weather for the next few days n it will be raining again, so nothing to hope for to keep this weather... i can see that my sentences don't really make sense at the same time as i am writing them, but i just can't be bothered to care..
So now i'm off to the local store to get some coins so i can do my laundry..
peace out for now..
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Are just the best thing to study with.. either them or Rihannas Rated R, or any reggae.. Don't know.. To be honest even hardrock, or old school rock is good to study too.. as long as it isn't any slow jams or anything sad.. Just a tip for people who need to concentrate..
Red Hot Chili Peppers are the only thing that can keep me awake at the moment, and obviously the concentration isn't too high, as i'm on here instead of getting the word count up..
Peace out
Back in the library..
Guess where i am.. in the library, back to the good old times... always here, just made another survey for people to fill in if they have worked in the fashion industry..
Am so tired just want to sleep..
might take a nap
with my face down on my laptop
at least i don't see anyone watching any porn... step in the right direction i guess..
peace out
sunday evening :)
Was actually nice end of the day.. went to church with niko n johanna n after we were just sitting outside on a park bench for hours talking, and went for a walk to the ocean.. We just got back, weird how as soon as i get back inside the house i can feel how i am freaking out.. gonna go to bed now.. hopefully will be able to sleep.. otherwise i have these beautiful lil pills which always put me straight to sleep :)
Jersey shore..
Absolutely love this show... I usually hate shows that make u dummer than u already are.. ok i don't, but not to this extreme, but i absolutely love this show, the second season is even better than the first one.. I don't know where they found all these people, but they just make wonderful tv together!! Respect to the casting people, i have never even met people like that, how could they find eight of them.. And they are all so adorable as well, the girls with their makeup n slutty dresses, n the guys with their muscles n weird looking hair styles.. LOVE THEM!!!
German, english, Swedish... confused.com
hahaha am writing on my dissertation in english, talking to my flatmate in swedish and at the same time trying to write in german on msn to a friend. For everyone that doesn't know it, i suck at writing german.. worst thing i know, almost as hard as writing in french, but french i cannot even speak properly so that could be an excuse.. Well I'll just keep writing, n if he doesn't understand it he better let me know :p
Sunday morning..
Sitting here sipping on my camomile tea and trying to sort myself out to start writing.. was gonna write a 1000 words today, we'll see how that's gonna go... Doesn't feel like a good day today, but maybe church will make it better tonight.. usually calms me down, can't believe i have been going so little this year, nice to have started again..
Feels like i need to get out of the house, i won't get better if i just sit inside or am in the library all the time.. I need to do something.. Just don't have the energy to do anything, which i guess is some sort of catch 22.. Have to do things to feel better, but just can't.. Well life sucks.. But it just does that sometimes, and it will get better again.. Can't wait for that to happen..
Shit i sound so negative, not really like me.. I guess i been sounding this negative for a while, will try to sort it out and sound more positive.. Hate when people are always down, that just brings other people down with them.. Gonna work on being happier!
me again...?
Went to pizza hut today with Johanna, used to love that place back in the days.. used to always go there.. wasn't the same as it used to be. maybe i'm just too old to love pizza hut, or maybe it's coz i don't eat that much anymore and i couldn't eat a dessert.. loved the desserts there.. don't know what it is..
Then we ran into Maksim n Niko after, which they even though i love them drive me crazy.. they are so happy and hyper they just don't get that i don't have the energy to be around people... and i don't want to have to explain to everyone.. it's hard.. but whatever.. soon i'll be me again.. hopefully...
old pic..
This is me a while back, don't even really remember the night... but i absolutely live my purple bag, have it in XXL as well :)7000 words..
Wrote another 1000 words today.. just need a lil conclusion and my methodology is done.. So the three first chapters of my dissertation are pretty much done.. feels like i'm getting somewhere.. but just because i am saying this, i bet i'll get some sort of writers block, and won't be able to write anything more..
Or maybe it's the valium, seriously, i wasn't able to do any work for so long, and now that i have these lil wonderful pills, i am getting work done.. I guess i should have listened to the uncle doctor way earlier.. to everyone that reads this.. if the doctor tells u to do something, do it, he probably knows better than u, whats good for u..
Porn..
I can't believe this.. I accidentally walked in to the wrong study carrel, and the guy in it is looking at porn, not just any porn but proper hard core porn... like in the library, in the room next to mine.. Sort of disgusted.. i mean i get that, guys watch that, but seriously in the library, where everyone can see u?! is that really necessary?
Jobs..
Just been browsing the internet to see what sort of graduate jobs there are.. and for everything it looks like u need so much experience.. It feels like i will never get a graduate job. I'm so happy i got my job at Karen Millen, but that's just part time..
Will need to sort something out.. Really don't wanna finish all these years of uni work, and in the end of the day not have a job :(
bed time in a moment..
seriously, i absolutely hate going to bed alone.. maybe that's why i hate sleeping during the nights don't know.. Nothing i can do about it, sometimes that can't be helped..
Gonna have dinner now, and put some movie on, and bed time.. have to get up early tomorrow need to write more on my lil dissertation...
ehrm
wanted to go for my daily walk, but now it started to rain, not really feeling for a walk in the rain today, even though it was really cozy the other day.. it's just so cold n horrible outside today.. really not feeling it.. but not really feeling like anything, could cook something, as both me n the lil one are hungry, but can't be bothered to do that either... looks like nap time for me again... OMG can't believe people actually read my blog, must be so boring the only things i do are studying, sleeping, eating, going for walks and taking naps.. and no sleeping and taking naps are not the same thing.. nap is much nicer.. sleeping is something u do during the night which is awful coz it takes ages to fall asleep, and u keep waking up, and i just don't like it.. Taking a nap however is wonderful, u just go n lay down for like an hour or so.. n feel so fresh, and my bed always feels way cosier day time than night time.. Ok i get it, i'm extremely boring, will stop bothering people with my sleeping habits..
peace out
:/
Am feeling sick.. some people have that effect on me..
friday the 13th
just realised it's friday the 13th, shouldn't really have left the house. I wonder what bad stuff will happen today.
I remember when i was younger and used to go horse riding, every friday the 13th i always fell off my horse.. was that just because i believe in bad luck, or is it really true that friday the 13th brings bad luck?
This is me n my lil horse like a hundred years ago.. don't even remember when, must be at least 5 or 6 years ago.. miss him (L)
Still in the library..
Still sitting in the library, have only written like 500 words today, need to write at least 500 more, y is it so hard to concentrate??
A picture i took the other day when i went for my daily walk.. don't know just feeling like black n white lately.. sounds depressing, but it's not.. black n white pics are just way more beautiful than coloured ones..
And for once it wasn't even in the cemetery that i took the pic but in the park :p
Friday
Today is a better day.. yesterday was awful, but i guess that the way it will be for a while.. at least i got out of bed today..
Will try to get some work done, even though i wasn't to good yesterday, i managed to get a good interview done for my dissertation, so it wasn't a total waste i guess..
But now back to my methodology, which i really like to get done and finished this week..
Annoying!!
today already sucks, went to uni in the morning to make a phone interview, sort everything out, test it and everything, and when the time comes for the interview, it appears that the uni phones are blocked for international calls.. so i couldn't calle my interviewee at the time that we said. Had to sort out a phone which would be connected to a mirantz, got a mirantz went back home, and tried to call him now, but obviously he isnt answering the phone, coz i'm calling ridiculously late.. this is so embarrassing and unprofessional.. hate it.. I should have made sure before that i could call abroad, but i assumed there wouldn't be any restrictions, i guess i learned my lesson. I only hope i will get hold of him anyways.. coz he is like the most important interview for my dissertation, and i really need him..
FUCK!!!!
Knight & Day
Oh my gosh, i can't believe i forced myself out of the house to see that movie, must have been the worst movie ever.. or maybe it's just because i've been down.. but whatever nothing a bit of sleep can't help.. off to bed now..
peace out
Lasagna..
Making dinner for the boys.. looks like everyone is moving home this weekend :(
making lasagna, people were meant to come at 5, but coz i know them good enough i just put the lasagna in the oven now, i bet it will still be ready way before they arrive.. i hate when people are late, but i guess, it's just like that with certain people, not even gonna try to change them..
Questionnaire for my dissertation.. please complete it...
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Encouraged..
just got back from my meeting with my tutor, and am now sitting in one of them awful but still wonderful little study carrells which make u feel like u are in prison, but still are basically the only place where i can concentrate, so i both hate and love these places..
Every week when i meet my tutor she gives me hope that maybe i will be able to survive this month and hand in my work and pass my masters degree, but as i only see her one time a week, i usually have 6 days between every meeting in which i have enough time to freak out again..
Just listened to this.. can't believe how some people act.. funny as hell..
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wednesday..
put my alarm clock on 8am but had to change it to 9.. so tired don't know why, been always waking up so early lately.. Then always had to take a nap again around 10, so maybe i don't need that today..
Have to hurry n meet my tutor now, gonna give her the 12 pages i already have just to see if i'm on the right track..
Hopefully she will just find minor changes that i have to do.. then i have to prepare everything for my phone interview tomorrow morning, really don't remember how to use the radio equipment very well.. But well, i'll see how everything works..
I wish i could stay in bed..
beautiful southampton in the rain..
back again..
just got back from my walk, have never seen the park so empty.. I didn't really mind the rain that much, but apparently everyone else seems to mind it pretty much..
Back to studies now, or maybe take a nap first, can hardly stay awake..
off to my daily walk..
Sucks coz it's raining outside, but whatever, can't do anything about it.. Good for me to go for my daily walk.. N i have started to take my camera with me, gonna take a bit of pics of soton before i move..
It's so pretty on the southampton cemetery i know i have said it before.. but it really is.. Johanna came with me yesterday, but it freaked her out a bit, and there were way to many dogs for her liking anyways.. So today i'm out alone for my walk again..
OMG!!
Am on skype with my mum, which is the most random thing anyone can ever do. She is absolutely not capable of talking to me for more than two seconds until she starts doing something else.. At the moment i can hear her in a full conversation with some random people in another room, i think she totally forgot that skype is still on with me.. And this is absolutely normal for being a convo between us..
HA she just came ask me a question and left before i had the time to answer.. At least i know where i have my random and confused personality from.. We are way too alike..
Tuesday..
I hate that our landlord seems to have given our keys to like everyone, almost every day there are people coming in to look at our flat.. I know that our contract is running out in a month, but it would be nice if we would get a warning, or shouldnt there be like a law or something from stopping people to just walk in?
And they always come early in the mornings as well when u aint prepared for it, and still in ur PJs.. I absolutely hate when this happens, but at least today it was two girls, who walked in.. could have been men, which would have been even worse.. Just wonder how often people look at our flat when we're not at home, make me feel like our stuff is not safe at home, with people we don't know just walking in and out however they want.. To be honest it's not just my stuff i'm worried about, but it doesn't feel safe for us either.. But whatever just one more month n i'm out of here..
first time out of the house for a week.. first destination starbucks with the french community :p
gonna miss the KM girls ...
Just got back from Karen Millen where i had to leave my doctors note that i'm gonna be sick for a month.. Which really sucks, i don't know, it's just that i really like working there, the girls are all so nice, and the customers too.. But i'll be back in a month i guess.. Will have to get loads of sleep n rest, n hopefully be able to get this stupid dissertation out of my way..
Right now, i'm sitting n listening to red hot chili peppers, stadium arcadium, nothing can make me concentrate like they do..
Up n about..
time to go to the uncle doctor.. hopefully he will tell me that i will be able to get of these stupid meds as soon as possible, otherwise god only knows how i will be able to write this dissertation.. and again i'm going on about my dissertation, which must be the most boring thing ever to read about..
Sunday..
Today isn't as good as yesterday, i guess you go one step ahead and two back.. Talked to my family, and it has been decided that the best thing for me right now is to go back home. I will either have to finish my dissertation there, or stop all together, which is what looks like being the most probable at the moment.
Sucks that I might have to give up a month before everything would be done, but not much I can do about it. Medicines make me too sleepy to do my work, and without the meds i can't do anything. Weird how everything can change so much in just a couple of days..
But it will be good for me to get away from southampton, have been here long enough, at the moment i can't even go out of the door, back home i will be able to breath again..
Hopefully everything will go back to normal once back home.. :)
Saturday..
Been a long day, hard to stay awake, but managed to study for a bit, and even had proper lunch today, so i guess am on my way back to normal, which feels good..
Didn't know that saturdays can be this long, it's not even 5 pm yet, and i feel like going to bed already, even though i slept most of the day, have to write a bit more on my dissertation though, which is really hard when i'm like falling asleep all the time..
This makes me wonder how in heavens name i will be able to handle this dissertation and everything else at the same time, but i just have to get through it, it would be stupid to give up now in the last month and go home to sweden, which is the only thing i want to do at the moment. Go home and spend time with my lil nephew who is the cutest thing on earth.. If i make this i can play with him soon, hopefully i will be able to be there for his 1st bday..
By the way, from now on, Saturdays are my least favorite day, i mean whats the point with Saturday, for all the people who went out on friday they will be sleeping and feeling hungover all day.. The rest of the society, don't know what they do.. What do people do on a saturday, like honestly, people always want it to be weekend, but why? I don't like Saturdays, maybe it's just because i'm in a crappy mood, sitting here in my sweats, oil in my hair, hardly being able to stay awake, and wishing i had the energy to go to work, or at least write on my dissertation..
Whatever nothing i can do about it..
peace out peeps..
Stupid spotify
Trying to get spotify to work on my new computer, but that stupid thing doesnt want to work at all i think.. and i'm just getting so tired again, time for bed in a moment i believe.. i know it's not even 8 pm, but what am i supposed to do, feel like an old lady being tired all the time, and it really buggs me that stupid spotify doesnt work.. i wish i had someone who could just sort these things out on my computer, looks like i'm not capable of doing an technical things on my own.. guess Rudolf (yes i named my computer.. no comment necessary..) is only good for the things that actually matter like for example write on my dissertation, and thank god he has been really good with my work.. not like my bloody old computer, may he rest in peace who kept deleting all my work and crashing when i needed him the most.. but whatever he stood by me through good and bad times, the past 4 years, so i'm not gonna talk bad about him behind his back..
by the way i think these meds are making me a bit tipsy, i usually try to keep my special relationships with things like my computers to myself, or maybe for my friends amusements, but not really for the public..
:p
found this pic of me outside my house back home in sweden.. love this place.. :)
Oi..
Writing about all this child labour and how corporations manage those crises... very interesting, but also very depressing, makes me wonder if anyone in the world does anything for someone else without wanting anything in regret? All those corporate social reports are just made to make companies look food in their customers view.. But whatever nothing i will ever be able to do anything about.. but i wish there were more people who want to do things for others without expecting anything back.. For example i don't even know how many times someone asked me why i bought a homeless person a sandwich, followed by a speech about how they are all druggies anyways.. So what, because they might be on drugs that means that they are not hungry? That just means that they have probably gone through a lot of shit in their lives, and that they now live a really shitty life.. Why do people have such a disgust towards people that are on drugs?
Don't take me wrong, I don't take drugs, and I would really socialize with people that do. But I don't hate people that take drugs, i feel sorry for them, i mean no one just choses to become a drugaddict for funs sake.. Something must have gone very wrong in that persons life, that suddenly one finds himself living on the streets like that.. Na i think people should try to show a lil' more understand for others situations..
I am happy that i had a stabil childhood with amazing parents, so sinking into any bad habits i know for sure, my dear parents or brother would come n take me home n lock me into a room until i start behaving again :p Not everyone has that luck, so i really feel for anyone that doesn't have the same start in life that can help to become a stabil adult..
I have a feeling that all of this doesn't really make sense.. but whatever, this is my blog n i write however i want :P
Peace Out
back to the living..
Damnit, just wrote loads about why i haven't been updating my blog for a while, about how i haven't been feeling well, and than everything just disappeared when i tried to upload a pic with it, just the pic got uploaded, stupid computers, but whatever, can't be bothered to write it all down again, coz still not feeling to well, but the nice uncle doctor gave me wonderful little pills which at least keep me going :)
now i have to try to do some work, as i've literally been in bed since monday, and not done any work what's however, not even been able to go to work, which really sucked, coz I was meant to work loads of hours this week as my manager is on holiday, feel sorry for everyone that had to jump in and work for me, but i really couldn't make it... sorry girls.. :(
.
In the library :)
Wohooo back in the library, back to the good times.. whatever, today i'll get loads done.. or not.. Went to the doctors, and apparently i have chronic fatigue or something like that, which is the reason why i haven't been able to do anything and been so tired, and energy less for the last couple of months, i guess it explains a lot, but at the same time it freaks me out, he said it would go on for a couple of more months, and i just do not have the time, as i have to write my dissertation... i know i'm always going on about this stupid dissertation, but that is the only thing i'm doing at the moment, i dont have time to do any fun things or anything like that.. so i'll be going on about this for a bit longer, pretty much until the 8th of september, if i manage to finish it by that time i mean..
Hopefully the new medicines he prescribed will help, and i got different meds for my migraines as well, which hopefully will make me less tired too.. So maybe i will be back to normal me soon :) Wohoo!!!
Way too early for me :(
Slept so bad last night its unbelievable.. but whatever, still had to get up at 7, am so tired though, trying to force some coffee down my system, but making me feel sick.. already managed to paint my nails, without absolutely ruining them, yet at least, they're not dry yet, so there is still plenty of time, to fuck them up :)
Gonna go down to the doctors in a minute, n than gonna spend the rest of the day in the library.. Back to the good times ha?!!
Found this pick from the other night... The night that made med wish i don't drink.. Way too much alcohol in my system that night. which is funny coz i really seriously don't remember drinking much at all...
This is what i look like at home :p na just sometimes when i have products in my hair.. to all the hot guys looking at this.. It's not me, i'm usually a hotty at home..
Back to being me again :)
Oh my god, i was dead all day yesterday, i wasn't capable of doing anything all day.. I did wake up to go for lunch with Olga, than back to bed, than woke up in the evening when the boys called to get me out of the house.. Which was hard, was trying to avoid the call, like putting it on silent coz i was asleep... but they kept calling so i woke up n made way to town to meet them, which was really nice.. Had to take medicines though, which i absolutely hate, but happy i did, so i was able to get out of the house.. So after meds, i was feeling better n we went n had dinner in the greek restaurant, which i love, the owner always makes loads of different foods for them, coz they know him or something... he seems really funny...
After we went to the marina to chill for a bit which was really nice.. On our way there this beggar who i've seen around for a couple of years followed us around.. I always used to feel so sorry for him, this old poor man i always thought, well he is greek and the guys know him, n the funny thing (well maybe not funny) is that he has a gambling problem, so they made him promise he would gamble the money they were giving him. Lol the second they gave him some money, he didn't say thank you or anything, he just ran straight into the gambling place... Poor man..
Well i'm off to study now..
peace out..
